Category Archives: me and only me

I miss my dad

dad Dad 2


My dad passed away Tuesday, February 9th.  I wasn’t ready to talk about it on here before now.  I just miss him so, so much.

I was at my normal Tuesday noon spin class.  I don’t normally put my phone at the bottom of my bike but I did that day.  We got off the bike about 35 minutes into class to do some arm work.  When I was about to get back on my bike, I noticed that I had three missed calls, two from my mom and one from Eric.  I immediately had that feeling, that bad feeling when you know something isn’t right.  I left the spin room and listened to Eric’s message first.  His message said, “Your dad collapsed and it doesn’t look good.  Go home now.”  I called him back and he said was already on the way to their house and asked if I wanted him to come get me.”  I said no, grabbed my stuff, and drove over to my parents’ house, crying the entire way.

My mom usually works in the morning.  She didn’t go in that day because she had an eye appointment for her future cataract surgery.  She said that she and my dad went to it together and had a nice morning together.  He said he felt a little funny but they just thought that maybe it was anxiety or something.  They got home and my mom walked into the house.  She then heard a loud noise.  She went to the garage, saw that my dad had collapsed, and called 911.  They had her check to see if he was breathing (I think she thought he was a little bit at that time).  EMS got there quickly and did CPR on him.  Our neighbors, the Mayers, were there with her.  Eric was randomly doing training out by their house and he beat me there.  I got there next, and then my brother, Billy.  It was pretty awful watching them work on my dad.  They had this machine that did the CPR compressions for them.  It felt like forever before they decided to transport him to the hospital.  My mom rode in the ambulance with him and I rode with Billy behind them.  Eric and the Mayers stayed behind to make sure everything was shut.

When we got to the hospital, they took us to a little room to wait in.  Sarah (Billy’s wife), Eric, the Mayers, and Mary (Eric’s mom), were there with us.  After working on my dad for almost an hour, they took us back to see him while the nurses lined up in a train to do CPR on him and they tried pushing different medications to get his heart to start.  We just held his hand through it all.  I think the doctor wanted us to see how hard they were working on him to no avail.  He talked to us about discontinuing CPR.  I refused to make that decision so my mom and Billy had to make that tough call.  I just couldn’t do it.  They stepped out to talk the doctor and I stayed in the room to continue holding his hand.  They stopped CPR and my dad passed away at 2:45pm.  A priest from Holy Trinity came over to give my dad his last rites and we were able to stay with him for a while to tell him good-bye.  It just didn’t feel real when we left the hospital without him.

It was awful telling the boys.  Just awful.  Our friends had taken them home from school for us so we waited to tell them until we got home.  I think we went back to my mom’s house after that.  Is it horrible that I don’t remember?  It seems like everything just kind of ran together after that.  The next few days consisted of making plans while family came into town.  My dad didn’t like a lot of fuss so it was fairly easy to pick out his coffin, flowers and service details.  My mom knew which cemetery to bury him in.  Eric’s dad passed away in 2002 from cancer, just six months before we were married.  He was buried in that same cemetery and there was a plot open, just five down from his.  We took it.  My mom wants to be cremated so her remains will eventually be buried above him.  We were so busy that week that I don’t feel like I really had time to process everything until it was over.  I cried a lot and was sad but I don’t think the reality of everything hit me until after the funeral.

My dad never regained consciousness after he collapsed.  I never got to tell him again that I loved him.  Selfishly, I’m sometimes jealous of people whose family members were sick and they were able to savor those last months or days and say their good-byes.  But, I’m also glad he didn’t suffer, and I know in my heart that he knew that he was loved.

I miss my dad.


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12 years ago, I was a flight attendant for Northwest Airlines.  12 years ago, I flew into Amsterdam.  12 years ago, after walking around the city, I was picked up by our hotel shuttle and told that the US was under attack.  12 years ago, I watched the footage on the news that showed the planes flying into the Twin Towers and Pentagon.  12 years ago, after a few days, our crew finally flew back to the US without any passengers.  12 years ago, I finally made it back to KC.  12 years ago, Eric met me at the airport and proposed.

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Apparently I’m into yellow this season.


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15 years


Eric and I went on our first date 15 years ago.  It does but it doesn’t seem like we’ve been together that long.

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Things I’m lovin’

Here are just a few things that I’m loving right now:

1.  Starbuck’s Peppermint Hot Chocolate

Yum!  Even better, we had to wait in the drive through for 5 minutes the other day and they gave us our order for free.

2.  Dexter

I had three people, in just one week, tell me that I needed to watch this show.  I did and loved it.  It’s a little messed up (serial killer that only kills bad people) but different, in a good way.  I’m waiting to get season 2 from the library.

3.  Fork and Screen movies

What could be better than eating dinner while watching a movie in big, comfy seats?  And the food isn’t that bad.  I did make the mistake of ordering the fish the first time we went and it was definitely more difficult to eat in the dark.  Eric took me to the Fork and Screen showing of Twilight two weeks ago.  The beginning was so, so bad BUT the end completely made up for it.  It had a little twist that I did not see coming.  It was much better than the book.

I want to see the Abraham Lincoln and James Bond movies next.

4.  Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire

One of my FB friends recommended it as a good read.  At first, I was kind of put off by the fact that it’s about college students but quickly got over it.  She is also writing it from the guy’s point of view (this one was from the girl’s) and it’s coming out in April.

I also read 50 Shades of Gray and I’m not sure what all the fuss is about (maybe it gets better in book #2 and #3).  If she mentioned biting her lip or her inner goddess one more time, I was going to lose it.

Next, I really want to read Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.  I’m still #121 on the wait list at the library.

My book club is reading The Life of Pi for our January read and I really hope it’s good.

I would LOVE some more book recommendations.  I need a new, good author/series.

5.  Groupon

I’ve already bought three Christmas gifts off of Groupon.

6.  Ebates

It kills me when I forget to go through Ebates when ordering on-line

7.  Luke and Kenny’s excitement for Christmas

Luke has been talking about Christmas since September.  Even though we’ve had to remind him a few times that Christmas is about Jesus’s birth, and not presents, it’s still really cute.  I am really going to miss it when they no longer believe in Santa.  I’m actually a little surprised that Kenny still does.

8.  Longview Lake’s Christmas in the Park display

This is the second year that we’ve gone to it.  The display is huge and they just really do a good job.  We took my parents along this year and we decided to make it an annual thing.

9.  Indoor soccer

I love soccer in general but I really love watching the boys play indoor soccer right now.  I love how fast paced it is.  Kenny’s games are just fun to watch because the kids are all starting to get to that stage where they are really good.  His footwork is getting so good and the kid can seriously get the ball away from anyone.  Luke is fun to watch because he likes to be the goalie.  Kenny and Luke are so different in that regard, and it really shows their personalities.  I feel like Kenny doesn’t like to be goalie because when he gets scored on, he takes it personally and feels bad.  When Luke gets scored on, it doesn’t bother him and he says he didn’t have any help (with a smile on his face).

10.  Eric’s schedule

I can’t believe I forgot this one at first.  Eric is now working Monday-Friday 8:00-4:00 like normal people do, with holidays off.  Unless a promotional process comes up, he’ll do this for the next four years.

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Filed under books, eric, family, favorites, holidays, just because, kenny, kenny - 3rd grade, luke, luke - kindergarten, me and only me, movies, my boys, sports, tv

Spring sports in pictures 2012

This spring is just as hectic as our fall was (by choice).  Kenny is playing soccer and flag football and Luke is playing soccer.

Red Hot Chilli Peppers (Kenny’s football team):

Bulldogs (Kenny’s soccer team):

Luke’s yet to be named soccer team:

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What’s going on

The last few weeks have been crazy.  As in, I completely over-extended myself crazy. 

Here’s some of the big stuff (nevermind the practices, games, normal work and everyday stuff):

1.  Chili Supper at Kenny’s school

I signed up to be the co-chair of fundraising at Kenny’s school this year.  Part of that position included putting the chili supper together.  Luckily, two of the women that ran it in the past were VERY helpful.  I’m sure I asked them a million and one questions but they patiently answered each and every one of them.  The easiest part of the whole thing was getting donations from stores and finding great deals on the food.  It was amazing how charitable the restaurant and four grocery stores that I went to were.  They either gave me gift certificates, food or supplies.  The hardest and most stressful part was getting families from our school to sign up to bring things (chili, muffins, crackers, drinks) or volunteer.  Everything came together at what seemed like the last minute and it seemed to go off without a hitch.  THANK YOU to everyone that helped out that night!!!!!!

2.  Family Fun Night at Kenny’s school

I also signed up to run the Family Fun Nights at Kenny’s school.  They’re only once a month but this one happened to fall on the night after the chili supper.  I did a dance for the kids and one of the dads at our school was the DJ.  It really was fun but it was just a really long week.

3.  New job

One top of all that, I was offered a new job two weeks ago.  I work in aquatics.  I’ve been at my current job for over 4 and a half years.  I love it and I’ll always have a place in my heart for it but I was just getting bored.  I turned in my resignation back in October.  January 1 was scheduled to be my last day but then they came back and asked if I would stay on until May, which is when my replacement would be there.  I agreed on the terms that I could cut way back.  My plan (after May) was to strictly work over the summers and stay home with the boys during the school year.  I’m sure that sounds a little backwards to some people but I like to be active at the boys’ schools and I feel like I just don’t get to see them very much during the school year as it is.  So, two weeks ago I was offered a job to put together and run a swimming lesson program for a local swim team.  The owner had actually approached me two years ago about it but I was happy where I was at the time.  It just seemed like perfect timing this time around.  I said yes and am looking forward to the new challenge.  I’ve spent the past two weeks putting a program together, getting instructors and starting on the website information and enrollment forms.  I’ve still got a lot to do but I’ve gotten off to a great start.  My lessons officially start in March.  March should be fairly quiet due to Spring Break.  I know things will pick up in April and May but the lessons are only for two hours on Sundays at one location.  That will change over the summer when we go to three or four pools with morning and evening lessons.  That’s next on my list to figure out. 

So, that’s what has been going on here.

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